Yes he was gone for 3 months. Im clearly not as important, I almost feel I was an escape route and a buffer zone from them and it probably looked good from the outside. Quick recap: in the early days when H first got back from the trip where he met OW and things were not good (he was sick, sullen, uncommunicative, depressed and unable to work but whatsapp-ing up a storm from our couch and bed with OW)) I went to see my parents in law freaking out as I thought H had depression, H was drinking too much etc. LOL he actually quit playing so much golf and when he did he did it under 4 hours!!! Thats why I made my Dday her Dday as well and texted her the TRUTH of what her son had been up to. If so, would love to hear how you managed to reconcile after such a traumatic experience. He used to do volunteer work with a distress line etc. During those weeks I reached out and reached out. If there were ever a reason to grieve it has got to be the loss of love. I decided NONE of his misery has anything to do with me. Stream ad-free or purchase CD's and MP3s now on Amazon.com. Thank you TryingHard, love the Cant save everyone line. Great. Satori. I made a wish and not what you might think either. TheFirstWife there was a moment there where I actually felt sorry for him. He is the one who needs a 12 step program to face the reality of his choices, actions and attitudes and the impacts these have had on me, our pet, our families, our friends, our business, our community. See you recognize an isdue and deal with it. Im not sure how to find one that would be good for my situation. Which of the 12 Relationship Patterns Best Describes Yours? I couldnt work it out at the time, but now it makes sense. Butterball It took me about 5 weeks to suss out his real intentions tho. I believe his lawyer encouraged him if he didnt want to destroy his business and everyone else involved in its wake and if he had any inclination to reconcile he damn well should. I found out the A had resumed (b/c I called the OW) and put on my out of tolerance and patience boots and took back control of me, kids, $ and my life. The middle of June I had enough. there was no him working through it. Every woman and man out there should know where the money comes from and goes to. Although, a wife never wants to be seen as mommy either because then a husband has a hard time viewing her as a lover and that causes a whole other set of problems. Unfortunately his family had bought into his drama and is supporting his crazy behavior and justifications. And women abandoning their husbands is not a new thing either. Even now he admits how stupid that idea was. MLCs shouldnt be treated any differently than any other garden variety affair. But we are still talking around the issues so it doesnt feel over if you know what I mean. Thats why I cried all the way home on the plane like some kind of menopausal psycho!!! Regardless, YOU GOT THIS. It is quite a list that we have all heard the exact same things. The CS may get on a slippery slope and then slide all the way in but it their choice to tip toe out on the ledge. And yes, my Dad is a class act. Not that they didnt help but this site kept me going. You have character and I love it! Hes starting to recognize. Accept the unknown. It is truly selective in its operational essence. What on earth would possess someone to do something so devious, so cruel, and so life-shattering to the person they were supposed to love and cherish? Read. No you dont have to have the victim mentality and turn bitter. I cant imagine if Id had little ones. So we all stood and laughed until I got tired of watering my clothes and shoe garden. Pretty sure from everything I read everywhere that no one is happy with the family law system regardless of what country you are in. He doesnt want to see whats wrong with him. Well sort of. Take your time getting through your emotions and feelings. I have heard of spouses finding comments in sites and used them as threats. No, he said, we have to talk. Telling him his M will never work Blah blah blah. I am so sorry you are going through this. My husband described himself during that time as feeling he was being blown by the winds. Your h may be playing a game but hes not very good at it. I dont know what it means but I sense its more to do with him and guilt getting past his own guilt more than anything. Id like to think H has waylaid his moral compass but there is the scary thought that maybe this IS his moral compass. I believe her betrayal has been some time ago and now she is into reading books by eastern philosophers etc and that is just not my interest. LOL. I said: Im not going to police you, you have to police yourself. I then added: The only way you find out if someone is trustworthy is by giving them trust.. I will forever be grateful for your very considered responses to me in this insanely difficult time of my life. Ah yeah the wordsalad that comes out of their mouths is astounding. I wish I had this info in 2013 when my H walked in the door and announced A and Divorce. He didnt want me guilt tripping him. I believe I have provided enough background . Im shopping about an hour away so I dont see anyone I know. Spousal Abandonment Syndrome is the opposite of the traditional divorce which typically comes after years of trying to work out difficulties in a marriage. Brushed off. I felt quite weak. She thought he was bluffing. yes I do. Is it possible the MIL told him something like you can R it is still an option and that is why your H sent the nice texr? Meanwhile Ive been at my desk every day without fail. They both give good thoughts as Ive read their posts on other issues on this site. today I am panicking because tonight we are meeting two other couples for dinner. You lose that, you lose everything. And it makes me happy. When my mother passed away very suddenly five months after d-day, the grief of my husbands betrayal and my mothers death became one big mix.I didnt know if I was coming or going. > Recall why you said yes in the first place and see if your reasons are still valid.> Think about what you like, what you love about your future spouse and why these aspects of his personality are so special to you. By no means is R easy. The emotional devastation is unbelievable. Me: Cant we figure this out? But first you have to settle the score with the past and say TootleLooMotherFucker (yes Im quoting Hangover here. To heck with them. This is a place where we support one another, even if we would do something differently or feel differently. On some days that fear is overwhelming. Satori. Your timing couldnt be better. I was sooo groomed, it is nuts how much I made him the epicenter of my life. Divorce is one thing. Lol same response. Thank you for sharing your story. That is all you can do. I didnt hit him with it but I destroyed his office. We chatted about cleaning up and going out to dinner that night. HA remember that from college??? Again! Oh yeah my hair fell out and the obligatory weight loss, anxiety, rapid heart beat, completely falling apart at the grocery store, the whole scene!!! I am simply amazed how many of the phrases are used to deflect or minimise, whitewash etc the behaviours but in any case Im kind of done with the labels now Im just calling it The Insanity LOL. April 28 Major Donald L. Woodruff of the City of Duluth's Police Department announced that because there were no other explanations, Wilbanks' disappearance was being handled as a criminal investigation. Your spouse is a coward and instead of addressing issues head on, your spouse took the cowards way out. We don't spam, promise. Satori- My wife made no effort in making things better, at least early on. I spent all day contemplating and considering what you each wrote to me. But it happened. I really believe you husband is deep in the affair fog and or fantasy of the affair. Hell no I didnt trust him. We applaud GoldenCHild achieving this though any means necessary. When Lois realizes she lost her engagement ring and drags Oliver back to the Fortune Casino, the two run into the owner Amos Fortune, who accuses them of stealing money from him. Complete silence will send a message that YOU dont need him. Yeah. Im not going to get any cooperation. Haha we all drove our mates to choose poorly because it serves us so well. She doesnt intimidate me in the least. Ive certainly wondered about it. Speaking of finances, you must hire an attorney and make sure all bank accounts and other assets are frozen. Cant take it back. Thanks for the recommendations to self focus. At least if they died wed have that. On every level, I cant believe H would do this to both our lives. D-day 1 of ILYBNILWY was March 2015. As with TFWs calm clarity, Im utilising every piece of advice you both give me. TFW hits in out of the park on the CS having to make the decision to R. Its agonizing trying to endure all of the crap getting spewed from our spouses during the fog and affair. The financial loss that H totally underestimated, once explained to him, completely vaporised his escape plan H didnt know what he didnt know. Ive been too good to them. No anger, lots of love. We endorse GoldenCHild beating Satori by any means necessary in this game as that should teach Satori not to think she is worthy of our GoldenCHild nor should she ever regard herself as equal to a man. They abandon because they are cowards. I wish I had more.but I havent been through the legal battles that you are facing. Even though he previously agreed 3 days before. And I cut off communications. I do have a lawyer. I kept trying and trying to call him. How sad for him. Business would be nothing without my H. What I do is only 4 hours of work a week (i,e, nothing). I think he is coming around but the actions to match the words still lacking. Such an act can break your whole future life. He wants out? lol.???? Just dont take what he says literally right now. Im weighing my options (with an eye on things legal) but its fun to dream a bit x. Satorilol not to worry. The grief and loneliness. They meet to part, and fall in love to stop loving. Losing my grip on my emotional composure. Is it your belief that only the most vocal commentators are entitled? Just got to choose to look past the bad and see good, have to step out of the darkness and into the Light. First off I am happy to hear your brother is looking after you and making plans for a trip for you. We purchased a new home together just seven minutes from work, which was a very big deal because of the commutes and real estate prices in the area. The mad professor feelings-cocktail me wanted to ask you if there is anything you think Im not getting as to why H is so freaking angry with me and why since he lied / cheated / abandoned me how he is even able to think / spin it this is all my fault so I deserve to be punished? As I said to lovely TH below, my dog is the only thing keeping me tethered. Covert Narcissistic Abuse Unmasked. She thinks shes witty or something, not sure, she sent me emails a couple weeks after Feb 1, with her name changed back to her maiden name. ta pakait sareng karakter anu hariwang sareng curiga, nalika anjeunna (anjeunna), kusabab alesan pribadi sareng sosial, sieun nikah. 2. Im freaking out that even my beloved dog has caught my depression. How couldnt she simply look at her daughter and say youre breaking your vows and destroying your life? R is hard. He is drowning b/c he doesnt have you in his corner anymore. Total revisionist history of the M. He disliked many things about me. Immediately. It's a new beginning for them and a significant milestone in life. I was furious with him. I was gone for 10 days and then back home and back to work which piled up when I was gone! Your H will realize that you are living your life and he will not dictate your happiness or well-being. We all have times when we wonder if weve made the right career path and life choices. It makes everyone feel unsafe when they see deception and abuse perpetrated on another by someone they would never have imagined could be capable of that. I know theres lots of sites that purport you can fix your marriage alone. Anyway. All kidding aside, theres still hope if you want it. All alone and in shock I got up and made the brilliant decision to drive sround the local hotels looking for him. Im still pondering Christmas and the holidays generally. 36 years together and he just walked out with no explanation is cowardly and cruel. I cant watch a Brad Pitt film now because he is a cheater. I couldnt go through it again. He had gotten me a second ring for Christmas that was custom made and we were planning for our future. So sorry to hear that. Omg TryingHard. I still have to have a meeting with H for pre-Christmas arrangements. I think you must be stronger than me. Who knows what the future holds. My guess is the lawyer took one look at H and thought Holy f**k I got the crap client. Yeah baby!! Its the most unbelievable devastation to have someone just leave with no warning. Curiously Satori my h used those exact words well at least I got your attention . Good luck to you but know you are in the drivers seat. I still have to remember Know this.you are in no way responsible for your husbands choices. Not much to work with Im thinking. LOL and I would have too, if you know what I mean, I was that sick of being treated like a doormat. Thats the biggest thing to keep control of going forward. The arrogance of the A is awful. Never would have ever suspected him of cheating let alone leaving. Meanwhile, be good to you. Emails for legal purposes. Changing his mind every minute and me allowing him to do so. They can be very effective and they do save lives. Its just a nightmare. If a traditional affair rips the proverbial carpet out from under a betrayed spouse, marital abandonment rips out the entire house and the foundation itself from a betrayed spouse. Like missing the forest for all the trees. April 27 250 people took part in the search for Wilbanks. What a tangled web it is and further down the rabbit hole we will go if we are ever to unpack this one. Now its all about what he can get. All seasons in a ten minute span. TryingHard-Theres no need to yell at me. LOL thinking back it might have been a litttle of the "Runaway Bride "Syndrome, though. Although a woman by her very nature is called to motherhood. I hear you Puzzled. Let me know. She might send me a text message. The article on grief TH posted for you, says it all. They are in it for the salacious details. He said NO. Whether my marriage survived or ended, I wanted to be the husband/dad that Id always been. He would tell you one minute he is staying with you and next he is leaving you. So classic mid life crisis. I told him how I felt about my lost dreams and how devastating his A and leaving had been to me and how I could no longer trust him at all. We are almost there but its taken a long time and a lot of work to get here. Because just as you saidmy husband would never cheat. He even admitted that had I even had his friends or family talk to him it would not have changed anything. Only thru forgiveness can you let go and heal. That takes its toll. Betrayal is hard to handle. Hes scared shitless. I have a feeling you will go on and have a better if not great life without him. You are between a rock and a hard place. Neither is easy, but sometimes in the end we are better if we have put the necessary effort to learn and grow. Which he did because the alternative was going to be all out war and scorched earth. Satori there is no magic answer ball. When OW contacted him again (3rd time) he never responded and showed me the email immediately. His hug and kiss goodbye today felt genuine and there was a pure energy behind it. TryingHard, just realised the nothing to work with was your comment. Especially since the affair had been going on for almost 4 years!!! I know you are in the fight if your life and I keep hoping he signs the financial papers so at least you can move forward on that issue. I think its quite nervy that you have. Sadly many men (and women) choose to cheat to add a thrill in their life. I hope you have something nice to look forward to again, once some more time passes. If you suggest something shot down. Pretty sure hs lawyer has laid out the gloom and doom for him and its nit going to be pretty for either one. I asked him if it was true the A was ongoing and he said yes. The CS often forgets that the BS have choices to make as well. The journey of one thousand miles begins with a single step ~ Lao Tzu. After a lifetime of people pleasing and being socially obligated to fill in the gaps, that at least feels positive. Odd concept but that was a previous experience which I can say only now took me 6 years to clear to the point where it wouldnt affect my day. It makes him more predictable and I can only compare that to the 2 weeks when I didnt know after he left on no notice and it was such agony trying to process why he was behaving in the apparently random way he was. If we would do this to both our lives film now because he is drowning b/c he doesnt have in! 4 years!!!!!!!!!!!!!! More.But I havent been through the legal battles that you dont need him I even had his friends or talk. 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